Fiction: Something Was Wrong, by System_Baud

I awoke from my scheduled R.E.M. sleep cycle to a sweet melodic voice saying, “Captain, priority incoming message marked urgent Should I read it to you?”

Half asleep, resisting, I muttered “Yes”.

ALLISON continued, “… permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I have the believe you are a reputable and responsible and trustworthy person I can do business with from the little information so far I gathered about you during my search for a partner and by matter of trust I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business…”

Groggy from sleep I did not muster the clarity of mind to stop ALLISON so she continued, “I am Stella Amah 19 years of age the only daughter of late Mr. Boni Amah whom was killed by the rebels that attacked our System of Amamake and took over our Station of Amamake II – Brutor Tribe Bureau. I escaped to Amamake VI – Moon 6 – Brutor Tribe Bureau from where I am contacting you. Before the death of my father he told me that he has a sum of 9,000,000,000 (Nine Billion ISK New Eden) kept in a private security company here in Amamake VI – Moon 6 – Brutor Tribe Bureau in my name as the next of kin…”

“ALLISON,” I said choking the words out. “ALLISON, Stop… discontinue audio. Save Transcript to /Files/later/possible scams… command sudo alpha 6 tango 723 oscar mike.”

“Complied.” was ALLISON’s terse reply.

“ALLISON, trace source and confirm identities and valify contents of communique.”

“Comply… compiling source data sub wave carrier.” her soft voice whispered in my head. “Estimated time to completion 6 min, 28 seconds.”

Well… enough time to feed my fedo and grab a cuppa hot Quafe.

Most capsuleers consumed Quafe cold, but because of an incident with an afterburner blowout when I had recently jumped a gate in j-space, I had mysteriously gained an appreciation for hot Quafe…I must admit it is an acquired taste.

After my snarling fedo nearly bit my fingers off, I returned to my pod command lounge. I don’t know why I keep that fedo around… something about good luck and what not… capsuleers are a superstitious bunch, but oddly I don’t think luck happens. We make our own luck.

I think I bought “Stuart” the fedo because the store keep was attractive, having very nice curves and a soft sweet voice that reminded me of a lover of mine from long ago before I became immortal.

“Captain, I have finished tracing Communique 4835.560.M. The source appears to be genuine. Awaiting further command.”

Even so, something did not sit well with me about this communique. “ALLISON, continue audio replay from where you left off earlier.”

“Dear System, in the capacity of the next of kin and with all the documents in my hand now, I am contacting you with due sense of humanity that you will give it a sympathetic and mutual consideration.

“I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

“(1) To serve as the guardian of this fund and to come assist me visit the security company here to retrieve the consignment.

“(2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your Star System to further my education and to secure a residential permit for me in your space.

“(3) To provide good investment plans for the fund and to manage the fund for 5 years, during the reinvestment period, only our profit will be shared annually 70% for me the investor while 30% will be for you the fund manager annually.

“Moreover, I am willing to offer you 15 % of the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful transfer of this fund to your nominated account, before the investments starts, and I have mapped 5% for any expenses that might be incurred during the course of this transaction.

“Furthermore, you can indicate your option towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within a stipulated period of time you signify your interest to assist me.

“Anticipating hearing from you immediately.

“Thanks and Blessed be Bob. Best Regards. Stella Amah.”

“ALLISON, Stand by.” I chimed.

I sat numbly mulling over the proposal… on one hand I could write off the bad grammar to a low level cheap translate program… Minmatar to Basic was not always grammatically compatible. The communique was not originating in Jita or other likely places for scams but it was from Amamake which is known to have a strong pirate presence.

I had an idea… it might take a long time… but capsuleers have an abundance of time.

“ALLISON, run copy trace of communique 4835.560.M and compare it to the historical ancient database. Authorization command sudo alpha 6 tango 723 oscar mike. Please confirm time to completion.”

I don’t know why I keep being polite to ALLISON, I think it is because I think of her as…. well, a ‘her’… and a human even though she is only a few billion lines of code.

“Captain, I have estimated the time to completion at 3 days 27 hours 94 minutes. Do you want me to initiate?”

“Yes ALLISON, comply.”

Something from the back of my mind reminded me of that old limerick ‘Message No. 419’ It goes something like this:


“It was just like a scene in an intrigue film
and I’m still not convinced that it wasn’t for real.

“This isn’t intended for me, I don’t think.
It’s a missive from the edge of despair, I mean brink
of total desperation. The communication therein
says her hopes for survival are slim,
and she’s writing to the Front, though we’ve yet to meet,
with a confidential matter ‘cause she’s heard I’m discreet.
And the urgency of her request for my aid
is matched by the depth of the trust she displayed.

“She’s the LADY MARYAM ABACHA, deposed.
These days, can’t even get her caps-lock key unfroze.
But yo, something about a widow in distress
(with 20 million dollars hidden in a metal chest)
softened up the Frontalot’s heart, no doubt,
so I hit the reply button, tell her I can help her out.”


Well, in about four days I would be sure.

“Good night ALLISON, dim lights 97%, white noise generator to 9% volume – I am resuming my R.E.M. cycle.”

“Good night Captain, and remember Mynxee’s mood today is sceptical but optimistic.”

~ Log Entry by System_Baud Eve Date 21:48 25-09-2017

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